Here I sit, a 40-something year old woman, and I’ve only
been in two relationships in my adult life.
I don’t count “boyfriends” in High School – not that I had that many
anyway. So that means I’ve dated two
men. I also married and divorced both of
them. I’ve been in the dating pool (the
very shallow end of it) for over two years and I’ve only gone on a handful of
dates. None of them very promising. I’m still very, VERY reluctant to join a dating
website even though my ex-husband has met a great woman through match.com (she
and I are now very good friends … that’s another post). I don’t feel any rush to be in a relationship
or to even date. I don’t know why that
is because everyone else seems to be ready for me to be.
I love the question, “Why don’t you date?” It’s an embarrassing one to answer but it’s
basically because no one asks me out. I
spend the majority of my life in the gym, in my car commuting to/from work and at
work. Everyone assumes that I get hit on
at the gym all the time. No. The one time it happened was by a guy in his
60’s promising me that he could help me with squats. Not creepy at all, right? So that’s indicative of the talent that I can
pull in a room full of hot, sweaty mens.
But really I do know that even if men do notice me, they won’t approach
at the gym for the aforementioned reason – the creep factor. And with my luck it would be some guy who
doesn’t re-rack his weights who wants to talk to me and I’d just end up lecturing
him.
Online dating seems terrifying. I’ve heard so many horror stories from
friends. Dates showing up not looking
anything like their pics anymore. Dates
getting all stalkery. Dates showing up
high. I’m too old and cranky to deal
with any of that bullshit and answering the same questions over and over and
over again. I know that men truly don’t
care about anything other than when they get to have sex with their date and I’m
not inclined to play the Let’s Pretend game.
If I’m honest with myself, I’m also afraid of settling. I did it twice and it didn’t work out. In my head I have my “LIST” of what I
want. Some of the items are
deal-breakers, like no smoking or no minor kids, and others are nice-to-haves
which may be slightly negotiable. I may
never meet anyone who matches my list and I may never fill all of the check
boxes on anyone else’s and I’m ok with that.
I wouldn’t ever want to be with anyone who was settling just so that
they wouldn’t have to be alone. I’ve
actually thought, “I’d never date anyone who would want to date me,” because I
don’t feel like I’m pretty/smart/funny enough.
I tend to want men who are above my pay grade – the kind of men who
rarely notice me.
Are there times when I think that it would be nice to have a
boyfriend? Absolutely. Going to the movies alone sucks
sometimes. Not having someone to snuggle
right before I go to sleep really sucks sometimes (my dogs refuse to sleep in
my bed). Hell, it would even be nice to
have someone spot me when I get stuck under a barbell at the gym. But is it worth the pain and agony of trying
to find suitable guys to date? I’m not
convinced it is.
