Dating? Nope.

Here I sit, a 40-something year old woman, and I’ve only been in two relationships in my adult life.  I don’t count “boyfriends” in High School – not that I had that many anyway.  So that means I’ve dated two men.  I also married and divorced both of them.  I’ve been in the dating pool (the very shallow end of it) for over two years and I’ve only gone on a handful of dates.  None of them very promising.  I’m still very, VERY reluctant to join a dating website even though my ex-husband has met a great woman through match.com (she and I are now very good friends … that’s another post).  I don’t feel any rush to be in a relationship or to even date.  I don’t know why that is because everyone else seems to be ready for me to be. 

I love the question, “Why don’t you date?”  It’s an embarrassing one to answer but it’s basically because no one asks me out.  I spend the majority of my life in the gym, in my car commuting to/from work and at work.  Everyone assumes that I get hit on at the gym all the time.  No.  The one time it happened was by a guy in his 60’s promising me that he could help me with squats.  Not creepy at all, right?  So that’s indicative of the talent that I can pull in a room full of hot, sweaty mens.  But really I do know that even if men do notice me, they won’t approach at the gym for the aforementioned reason – the creep factor.  And with my luck it would be some guy who doesn’t re-rack his weights who wants to talk to me and I’d just end up lecturing him.

Online dating seems terrifying.  I’ve heard so many horror stories from friends.  Dates showing up not looking anything like their pics anymore.  Dates getting all stalkery.  Dates showing up high.  I’m too old and cranky to deal with any of that bullshit and answering the same questions over and over and over again.  I know that men truly don’t care about anything other than when they get to have sex with their date and I’m not inclined to play the Let’s Pretend game. 

If I’m honest with myself, I’m also afraid of settling.  I did it twice and it didn’t work out.  In my head I have my “LIST” of what I want.  Some of the items are deal-breakers, like no smoking or no minor kids, and others are nice-to-haves which may be slightly negotiable.  I may never meet anyone who matches my list and I may never fill all of the check boxes on anyone else’s and I’m ok with that.  I wouldn’t ever want to be with anyone who was settling just so that they wouldn’t have to be alone.  I’ve actually thought, “I’d never date anyone who would want to date me,” because I don’t feel like I’m pretty/smart/funny enough.  I tend to want men who are above my pay grade – the kind of men who rarely notice me.

Are there times when I think that it would be nice to have a boyfriend?  Absolutely.  Going to the movies alone sucks sometimes.  Not having someone to snuggle right before I go to sleep really sucks sometimes (my dogs refuse to sleep in my bed).  Hell, it would even be nice to have someone spot me when I get stuck under a barbell at the gym.  But is it worth the pain and agony of trying to find suitable guys to date?  I’m not convinced it is.